Introduction

Being in love is something of beauty, but it brings with itself a set of challenges too. These challenges might feel more amplified when you are dating someone with relationship trauma. But if you can understand and work through these things, they might very well be the ticket to a powerful, loving relationship. So with this blog, I want to present to you our very own fathability guide concerning connection with those who have had experience trauma within a relationship, along with some practical suggestions on how you and your partner can find ways in which both of you can develop together.

Yael — Relationship Trauma Explained

Relationship trauma can be tied to many experiences (prior abusive, cheating or intense emotional abuse for example). There experiences can haunt so deeply and create skepticism in their future relations. Let’s all remember that relationship trauma is real and can have a lasting unresolved affect on anyone, their ability to be intimate and trust others.

Recognizing the Signs

Someone that has been really hurt in relationships: this person can border behaviours on the experience they had. They could be vulnerable when someone breaches their trust, or might exude anxiety on the way to events where they are also punctual, or perhaps seem lukewarm about committing. Knowing about them will give you some insight into your partner and provide room for understanding the relationship.

The Impact on Trust

A relationship, much like life, is nothing without trust. The issue comes when you are in fact from trauma, to trust another person is very difficult. They may wonder what your intentions are, become insecure or scared of being hurt again. It takes time, consistency and reaffirmation to build trust.

Emotional Triggers

This type of kindling is why the trauma causes us to be triggered emotionally and in ways that are often unpredictable. Your partner may react in an intense way that can be triggered by certain words, actions or situations that brings them back to their past. Part of helping them is knowing these triggers and how answer those questions.

Creating a Supportive Context

Someone who has relationship trauma needs to create a safe and nurturing environment. They value people in every interaction they have.

Open Communication

Promote open and transparent communication. Let your partner express his, her feelings openly without being judged. Acknowledge their feelings, and allow them to feel their thoughts are being listened to.

Patience and Understanding

Healing takes time. Understand that your partner is a work in process and they are healing their trauma so be patient with them. Do not rush them, and provide unconditional support in their healing journey.

Encouraging Professional Help

As helpful as your support might be, professional assistance could play an important role for someone with relationship trauma. Ask your partner to find a therapist or counselor so they can work out any unhealed residue from their past as needed.

Handling Tough Conversations

But everyone has a trigger (then, they can make someone aggressive by remembering something traumatic), for example. How you conduct these conversations can make all the difference in your relationship.

Timing is Key

Timing is crucial for anything that may be difficult to discuss. Do not open any sensitive topics when you are either tired, stressed or anything of that kind. Make sure both of you are in a relaxed and open-minded state.

Use “I” Statements

When you need to bring up a delicate topic avoid sounding accusatory and use “I” statements to express your emotions. Instead of “You always make me feel…,” you can say, “When ___, then I feel hurt…”

Establish Boundaries

Always make sure to respect your partner, learn to back off if need be. Know what subjects or behaviors are taboo, and that you both feel safe and respected within the confines of your relationship.

Building Trust and Security

In order for a relationship to grow, both parties feel safe. For both parties, establishing trust and security is an ever-evolving process.

Consistent Actions

Being consistent is key to trust. Be reliable — be there when you say you will and follow-through with your promises. One needs to know they can count on the other.

Transparency

Express your intentions, feelings and actions. In fact, they can shake your partner to his or her core — and the trust that you have spent so long building can come crashing down around both of you.

Reassurance

Express love and commitment often. Sometimes it is the small things — a text telling them to have a good day, or reminding them how beautiful they are makes all the difference.

Coping with Setbacks

Trauma recovery is not a straight road. Your journey will come with setbacks and learning how to navigate those together can reinforce your unity.

Stay Calm

In case of setbacks, stay cool and be your right-minded person. Responding angrily or with frustration will only make the matter worse. Instead, try to approach them with patience and understanding.

Reflect and Learn

Look for failures as learning moments. Think of the match and what led to it, consider how you both can better navigate similar scenarios in the future. This can be the pathway back to growth and resilience in your relationship.

Seek Support Together

Couples therapy is also a way you could go about finding support collectively. Therapists have tools and strategies to offer so you two can weather the storms, and even develop deeper connections by doing so.

Celebrating Small Wins

Celebrate the successes in your relationship, no matter how small. Every tiny step that brings us closer to our goal is a victory.

Recognize Progress

So, celebrate the progress of your partner in their healing. Acknowledge what they have done, or their accomplishments — and express how proud you are of them, and your admiration for them to be able to bounce back.

Shared Activities

Take part in things which give you both pleasure. From a personal interest, weekend getaway or even co cooking together- these experiences can leave unforgettable memories and bond you very closely.

Express Gratitude

In order to maintain the respect and appreciation, we must be grateful for each other often. Just a quick “thank you” or an “I appreciate you” could mean the world to your partner.

Conclusion

The reality is, dating someone with relationship trauma simply requires empathy, patience, and effort. Open your heart to their lived experiences, make a safe space for them and let trust build a strong bond. So please, never forget that healing is a journey, and you can help. If either of you need additional support, hire a professional to walk you through this together.

With you, love and partnership can heal and evolve through the process. Be strong, be sustainable, and keep on doing- you need one another. For more relationship guidance and support, check out the rest of our blog or connect with a loving and likeminded group of boyfriends.