Introduction

Raise your hand if you have ever ached for love so hard it almost feels like somatic pain. You’re not alone. Our humanity is shaped fundamentally by the journey for love and belonging, right? Post Disclaimer: This blog is about finding why we seek love so passionately and how that effects our lives, as well as what can be done for us to fulfil this desire in a positive and meaningful way. From psychological theories to personal stories, we’ll dig into the layers of our desire for love and give you realistic advice on how to get connected with others.

The Psychology of Love

Because love is not only pure emotion, but it has a psychological basis. These theories provide a possible explanation for why love is so precious to us. A Popular Theory: Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs Like so often, love & belongingness is part of the well-known pyramid by psychologist Abraham Maslow. Very few human beings reach a stage of self-actualization and overall well-being without first satisfying this need for love and connection as Maslow would have agreed.

Attachment Theory looks at how our bonds to early caregivers inform our sense of what love should be. Native attachments in youth can result in more healthy interrelationships as adults, and those based on insecure attachment may abandon us seeking support and respect.

All of this is deeply rooted in complex psychological frameworks that, if not understood can leave us wondering why love feels so pertinent to our happiness or sense of fulfillment.

Biological Drives

We need love — and not just emotionally but also neurologically. When one is in love or receives affection, the human brain secretes chemicals such as oxytocin and dopamine. Oxytocin, a social bonding and trust hormone frequently called the “love hormone,” and dopamine, the pleasure and reward neurotransmitter, are involved.

These are also the chemicals responsible for why we crave love. These things maintain positive feedback loops where we will keep seeking after these feel good experiences. In other words, humans are literally hard-wired to seek love — it feels good and helps foster social bonds.

Cultural Influences

Our idea of love is very much influenced by cultural narratives as well. With the help of fairy tales, Hollywood movies and such, most stories portray love as an end-game. These stories shape our ideas about what love is, how it should feel and look like and how we are not whole or successful without having it.

This is only worsened via social media, always flaunting a photo-shopped idea of perfect relationships. When we see people expressing their love and connection with others, it can cause us to wish for the same in ourselves, which makes exclusion or less than inadequate.

Being mindful of this can keep our expectations in check and we could come at love a bit more levelheaded.

The Role of Self-Worth

It is this low self-esteem that feeds into our craving for love. The better we feel about ourselves, the more inclined we are to look for and attract supportive relationships. On the other hand, a lack of self-worth can have us clamoring for external validation, causing us to accept relationships that are less than lovely.

Having a strong sense of self-worth is what will allow you to pursue love from the most confident, secure place. It means knowing your self-worth outside of a relationship and realizing you deserve to be loved as is.

The Impact of Loneliness

She says the desire to be loved can be magnified by loneliness. Isolation, if long-term, sparks a sense of hopelessness and anxiety that leads us to pursue connections more intensely. But it is very important to separate the need for a companion and the need of a romantic relationship.

Having a circle of friends and family, can help us feel less lonely and take the pressure off from feeling we *must* be loved in a romantic way. There are point in life that the connections we search will be from platonic bonds, and they can give us same inner peace, perhaps less turbulent then romantic ones.

Healthy vs. Unhealthy Desires

A need for love is not a base wants. It is important to differentiate between healthy and unhealthy desire for love. Healthy desires, like I have said above, stem from a place of love and respect; unhealthy ones are those where your insecurities and need for validation start coming in.

A desire for an unsustainable relationship can result in codependency, where one partner is excessively dependent on the other for emotional support. This naturally creates a lot of wear and tear on that relationship that is never going to be sustainable. Acknowledge these signs of bad desire and you might rediscover how to work through these issues in a different way and obtain a better kind of love.

The Importance of Boundaries

In any relationship, boundaries are key. They help to sustain our individual identity and make sure both people have their needs met. By drawing the line and not overstepping said line, you will keep from feeling overwhelmed with another persons feelings, wants and schedules AND to be able to meet those of your own as well, preventing that inevitable fall into the resentment void, which we all know is not healthy.

Establishing boundaries can be learned, but it is a necessary tool in any relationship that wants to have the capability of being loving and healthy. This consists of open communication, respect and some give-and-take.

Love and Personal Growth

The greatest thing love does is inspire you to invest in your own personal growth. Healthy relationships may be demanding, encouraging us to rise to new heights while we fall into a supportive web. They heighten the vulnerability of participants in a safe setting for developing resiliency.

But remember, so much of personal growth should not derive solely from a relationship. This is because finding your own sense of self, independence and working towards your own goals can make you a happier person overall — happier for yourself and hence to relationships.

The Role of Vulnerability

Vulnerability is a suspect strength, it’s absolutely essential to love. Open up more, be vulnerable with someone else and risk being rejected — but open the pathway to a much deeper connection too. The one ingredient that makes it so hard to achieve & maintain and that is courage, which is the foundation for love.

Being vulnerable makes your interactions more meaningful This requires honesty about your feelings, expressing what you need and risking the possibility of feeling hurt again. And this in the long term, can get us more beautiful and deeper relationships.

Here are some practical tips to help you find love.

It should not be very surprising to know this that finding love these days is pretty darn hard, but some of the practical solutions can definitely make your way easy to bump in the future partner.

Be True to Yourself: Stay true to who you are and clear about what you want.

Meet New People: Join clubs, go to events or do things you enjoy.

Tech it or leave it:While online dating can prove beneficial, make sure you use the right tools cautiously.

Put in the effort: Great people belong to great people, and when you put in the work of being great yourself you think differently, which allows those like-minded individuals that much easier.

Love Takes Time: Love shows up when we least expect it, so be patient.

The Power of Self-Love

You have to love yourself entirely before you can truly love anyone else. Self-love is learning how to stand up for yourself and being able the things that you need as a person combineReducers your value, caring for what your heart needs it desires truly deserve. You are the standard for how others should treat you, so if you love on yourself, others will follow.

Self-love refers to just doing things that make you happy, setting aside ‘me-time’ and talking nicer to yourself. In any case, this type of thinking and direction will in the fullness modeling healthy more satisfying relationships.

Conclusion

Realizing why we have so strong lust for love can help us to be reasonable in when it comes to relationship-building. Recognizing these psychological, biological and cultural truths about our desires will facilitate a more healthy way of managing them in stead of acting on every impulse while disriminating who we make genuine connections with. Love yourself (but not in a weird way, ya creep). You attract the love that enhances your life and makes you grow, so when you focus on self-love and set boundaries.

Ready to find authentic connections in your life, take the next step with us – check out our resources or book a time to chat with one of our relationship coaches. This is your new beginning to love and fulfillment.